Sitting Here

Sitting here in the Publications Office has got me thinking. I feel as though my heart is ripping in two and God, I want to strangle someone.

Ever since last night I've been thinking. Heck, ever since I found out that we're surely, definitely going to Canada, I've been thinking a lot. I've tried my all optimistic don't let it bother you approach, but it's not working. Nothing's going to change the fact that I despise having to go there. I seriously, utterly, with every fibre of my being, loathe it.

To make matters worse, while showering last night and listening to music, I realized that there would be a lot of things I would not get to experience for the last time, like the Core Values presentation, behind which I've been one of the driving forces for the past two years. There's also the Integrated Project Performances, they're seriously one of the only things I look forward to in school and now I don't even get to join them.

It's not that I'm a glory hog but I love being on stage, performing in front of people whom I don't know. Honestly speaking, I'm not sure if there'll be a lot of that where I'm going and that's one of the reasons that I hate the fact that we're moving to some cold country in the north. I love the Philippines, that's for sure.

Another thing is the woman I love, she's been getting distant for the past two weeks, probably in light of our move to Canada. I asked her about and she said that she only wants to focus on her studies, but part of me knows that whether consciously or subconsciously, she's distancing herself from me to avoid getting hurt.

That's another thing that's fueling my hatred of this crap, the fact that I might lose her because of it. I can't blame the moving, it's a tangible thing. I blame my parents. Honestly, I know I shouldn't but they're really the ones to blame. After all, it was their choice to move to Canada, their choice to make my protestations fall on deaf ears, and I despise them for that.

Moving on, I'm going to be here for the rest of the day and honestly, I can't think of anything to do. I'll just wait for people to come around. The Trip magazine is almost finished but I'm having second thoughts about the article placements so I'm waiting for my fellow editors to show up for a second opinion.